January 18, 2024 - The Mirror Never Clears

     One of the reasons the Lord nudged me to write these blogs has been to give others some insight into my heart and mind.  At times, I haven’t been too thrilled about that.  Other times, like this blog, I simply share how I feel.
 
     Last week Teresa and I traveled to Owensboro to attend the visitation of Bryan’s uncle.  Because funeral and funeral home visits seem to be the places where illnesses spread the most, we were allowed in at the end of the family visitation and before the long line of people waiting to see the family.
 
     Bryan’s uncle was healthy a month or so ago.  He was in his mid 60s, younger than I am.  His illness was a rapidly downward spiral until Jesus took him home.  He was a servant-hearted man who I am sure heard his Lord say when he walked into the gate, “Well, done, good and faithful servant.”
 
     Hundreds of folks had prayed for John’s healing, including us.  Jesus answered our prayer with the ultimate healing, resurrection healing.   But it wasn’t as anyone had hoped.
 
     I stood near his casket, greeting his family, including Bryan’s dad.  It was a very poignant moment for me that likely no one else grasped.  I shared it with Teresa on the way home.
 
     His family greeted me and expressed their appreciation that we had come.  And to a person, each one of them said to me, “We have been praying for you.”  I obviously expressed gratitude for their prayers.
 
     It doesn’t take a rocket scientist nor a theologian to know why this was a troubling moment for me.  I am standing at the casket of a man who is in heaven for whom numerous prayers had been offered for his healing.  And I am still alive.
 
     I don’t think survivor’s guilt is the answer.  There really is no answer to the question of why I am still in this world.   I have asked it before in these blogs, but I still don’t and will never have the answer.  We see in a mirror dimly, but someday face to face.  Now we know in part, but someday we will understand fully.
 
     I hear often, “The Lord isn’t done with you yet.”  Apparently that is true.  I am not sure that helps.
 
     What I do know is this: As long as I am in this world, I will be grateful for each day.  As long as I am in this world, I will seek to be faithful and obedient to God’s leading in my life.  As long as I am in this world, I will love others, beginning with our family.  As long as I live, I will trust the Lord, knowing that His ways are not our ways.
 
     Sometimes, like I am sure has happened with Bryan’s family, we question the Lord when things don’t turn out as we had hoped and prayed.
 
     And sometimes, far more than once, I have questioned when things have turned out far better than expected. 
 
     Lord, we thank You for grace.  Your grace is the answer why any of us are still in this world.